Well here we go again…one year passed again…and it’s truly amazing how much one year can change you…your attitude…your life…basically nothing is the same anymore..

People I thought would always be there for me,gave up on me when things got harder and people I used to love more than anything are just strangers to me..Sometimes I feel hopeless and lost and I can’t really see the sun shining after the dawn and I still have so many questions left and still no answers..and then again a lot of unexpected things happened…LIFE HAPPENED ..!!!

There is this guy and I am terribly terrified of writing about him or even thinking of him…he poped up in my life when I forgot the feeling of being loved and needed…when all my hopes of true love were lost…and now there is another thing going against me..TIME TIME TIME…time is against me and in a few months I will be gone and he will be here…

“…I wanted everything to stay the same,but feelings fade and people change..”

Well I came across this picture today…and I must admit I can feel every minute of that one year ago…the day where I was the happiest girl on earth…How could I forget how I danced with you on that night?How could I forget how you made me feel for that night?How could I forget all the words you told me in that loud silence surrounding us?How could I forget you when you are all I can think about?How can I move on when I get to see you every day?

And while I am getting lost in time and in memories…I know you are happy…you are married now…guess she gave you things I couldn’t give you and although I admit it hurts so bad,today after so long I can tell you that I am happy for you..truly I am…

All I wanted was a day with you..I wanted to get that explanation from you why you left me without a goodbye in the middle of everything we had…I wanted to ask you if it was so easy for you to wake up one morning and turn you back towards me and just decide that I am not that important to you anymore…I spent days and nights thinking where I did you wrong and why everything happened the way it did…I asked myself the same question every second of every day of every month….but I never got to get an answer..and you wanna know what the funniest thing ever is?Well it is funny that now that I got to find somebody new…somebody that can make me smile on my worst day …exactly NOW…you decide that you want to talk to me…you say things that you should have told me then…Now you are saying that if people wouldn’t have interfered in our relationship I would be the girl on your side RIGHT NOW…now you want me back when you got to see that somebody else can put a smile on my face…somebody that is not you…Funny right…how time changes everything…

But let me tell you something too…I don’t need your explanations anymore and I don’t want your excuses…I accepted the decision you took on that very sunny but windy day in May last year…and through this I learned not to be selfish anymore..I’ve learned to accept things I can’t change and I no longer have control over and I’ve learned that other people happiness is more important than what I want..Tell me what good would it be to spend my 24 h with you for a last time?When I know that you are having a girl home waiting for you for dinner…when I know that you gave up so easily as soon as things got a bit more twisted…No babe…I guess it’s safe to say that I am done…I am done with being sad about you..I am done with wondering and wishing…and finally I wanna thank you for letting me go…because of you I am the person who I am today…the girl that learned to smile every day,to feel the snowflakes on her face…the girl that learned not only to wish for things but for make things happen….

..and you ended up to be exactly what i never wanted you to become…a painful memory thdat is staying with me and is always on my mind…

It’s funny how every hello ends with a goodbye…

it’s funny how people judge you without even knowing you..

it’s funny how time changes everything…

it’s funny how a stranger suddenly can mean so much to you..

it’s funny how we can go from being in love to complete strangers with memories..

it’s all funny..

…it’s JUST not funny to me…

What is on my mind?-Part II Time….time is on my mind…it’s stressing me how time is passing by…and how much you would like to stop…you simply can’t…this moment right now..this moment will never come back again…it’s funny how time changes people,situations..circumstances…do u ever wonder what’s gonna happen in the very next moment?…today i re-read a comversation i had with him 2 years ago…where he told me that he really doesnt want to hurt me and that he doesnt deserve my heart…time taught me a lot of lessons…painful aswell as cheerful ones…and sitting here in this bus all i can think of is that all i want is one more moment with him…one moment where i can look in his eyes…in those eyes that changed me forever…those eyes that fascinated me and made me believe in love…those eyes that kissed my eyes with their look…those deep blue eyes that keep on haunting me after all this time….i really want my eyes to meet those eyes again…for a single moment and the words that were left unspoken…should finally get the chance to be pronounced without a word…

What is on my mind?

Well here we go…

He is on my mind..like a parasite that is eating me from within..seeing him is making me weak..not talking to him is killing me and still loving him after all the pain he is putting me through is like drowning in a sea full of tears and broken dreams..

Missing him is unbearable and thinking of him is slowly tearing me apart and while all this is on my mind..I know he is doing just fine without me…